Lettuce Fix Climate Change!

Global climate change enthusiasts tell us that the biggest producers of CO2 emissions turns out to be animals. The population of people and the beasts they raise create the bulk of the this harmful(?) gas. Now digging back into my sixth grade science book, I've been able to remind myself that this toxic (?) gas is recycled by plants through photosynthesis. Those wonderful plants take CO2 and neuter it's planet altering properties returning it back to the atmosphere as very earth friendly oxygen.

So this got me to thinking, a process most people avoid at all costs. Wouldn't the climate change solution lie in the production of more greenery? That kind of makes you take a second look at that salad you eat, huh? Are we doing more harm to the planet by destroying vegetables through consumption? Are the real villains here the vegetarians of the world? Every bite of Brussel sprouts is robbing the earth of life sustaining oxygen. I'm kind of proud to be a carnivore right now. After all I'm devouring a CO2 emitting animal and not uprooting a life sustaining, oxygen producing plant!

So I'm proposing a massive tax on all vegetables, and a tax incentive on steak. Prime rib should be a tax deduction, right there on your 1040 form. While Al Gore is off in the weeds trying to stop those factories, and send billions of our tax dollars to developing industrial nations like China,India, and Brazil, so they can invent more earth friendly industrial machines. (Wait aren't they the countries we're going to borrow that money from?) I propose we go right to the heart of the matter, vegetarians! Their thoughtless consumption of harmless plants is depriving our planet of life giving oxygen, they need to be taxed into submission! I should probably do a documentary, there might be a Nobel Peace Prize in this! The possibilities are endless! We could start a "Save the Carrot's" foundation! We can get supporters to surround carrot fields until they complete their life cycle and go to seed, insuring a future crop of planet saving CO2 suckers.

Absurd? Absolutely! So is the other side of the argument. While climate change is influenced by man, it's infinitesimal. We are called upon to be good stewards of this planet, and we should be. None of this calls for redistribution of money. Address the problems with common sense and stop vilifying and taxing what you don't perceive as helpful toward your cause.

God Bless
Capt. Bill