Why is That?

There are many lessons to be taken away from Republican Scott Brown's victory over Democratic candidate Martha Coakley. I want to focus on one in particular today, relate-ability. Scott Brown got his message through and connected with the voters because they related to him. Ms. Coakley on the other hand was stoic and cold, appearing indifferent to what the voters needs were. The lesson here is success in life is based on relationships.

How often do we encounter a person who lights up the room when they enter? Isn't a loss felt when they leave? That attraction isn't always a natural gift, it's an art, one that can be learned! They've master the art of relationship building. I've found that all begins with effective communication.

Effective communication begins by putting others first. People want to know your genuinely interested in them. Borrowing an old cliche; "No one cares how much you know, until they've learned how much you care." Martha Coakley lost that message, and the result proved the importance of relationship building.

How do you begin down that path? Well, there are untold number of books on the subject, and you can read forever on the topic but there are some base principles. I always ask questions, questions I'd like to be asked. How's your kids? What have you been up to since I last saw you? It's amazing how interesting people are once you get them to drop their guards and talk. When you ask a question ....stop talking! You asked about them, they didn't ask about you, yet. Become a great listener! Learn how to help them tell their story by filling pauses with questions like...."And then what happened.", followed by your silence, or; "Oh really, why is that?" , again followed by your silence.

The conversation and relationship killer is to begin sentences with,"I." I did this, or I know that, etc. My father was fond of saying;"Once you've told them all you know, then what?" That's a sure way to pressure yourself into learning. Because in order to have secondary conversations you have to go find something to talk about. Ease up on yourself and learn to listen.

Here's the scoop, just put others first. Treat them as you'd love to be treated, and begin every sentence with thought. A great thought to start with is; "How will what I'm about to say affect this relationship?" That's gold in communication and relationship building!

God Bless
Capt. Bill